To The Ones Becoming: On Loving People The Way The Would Want To Be Loved

"Love People the Way They Want to Be Loved."

I learned that thoroughly this week.

I have always known this, but this week I realized that knowing is one thing. Doing is another.

I have a dear sister. She is a people person. I am not.

She likes to go all out for people and would appreciate you doing the same for her. Me, I no too send.

She honours and serves people with presence. I mean she will be there. Just like the Yoruba people do the ajosepo thing. If it is the wedding of a sister or a friend, she will travel thousands of miles. She will do souvenirs. She will show up fully.

That is the kind of person my sister is.

I am entirely different.

I know it is a special day, but somewhere at the bottom of my mind I would think, it is just another Friday. Because that is how I now see special days in my own life.

I was not always like this.

I used to be the type that stayed up till 12 am so I could be the first to wish a friend happy birthday. Suddenly, I became the type that forgets friends’ and even family members’ birthdays.

Sincerely, the excitement about special days is no longer there for me.

New year, Christmas, weddings, birthdays… no excitement. Just another day.

Well, this personality of mine affected me immensely this week.

My people-person sister had her wedding over the weekend. I was excited, super excited actually, but I didn’t really do anything spectacular for her. I didn’t serve her the way she would have served someone else.

I was there, but at the same time I was not there.

I was more focused on my look than my sister’s look. That “it is just another day” mindset, even though I didn’t consciously say it or think about it, quietly took over.

At the end of the day, I sat with myself and realized something: I have gone too far with this mindset.

It protected my peace, yes. But it has also cost me good relationships.

While my sister didn’t say anything to me, I realized I didn’t love, serve, and celebrate her the way she would have wanted.

I did what I would have wanted.

Three of my friends also had their birthdays last week.

Celebrating people on WhatsApp statuses is the norm now. In fact, I used to be the “if you don’t post me, I won’t post you” type of person.

But now, I don’t really think posting people on statuses is important. I thought a heartfelt and genuine message in their inbox was enough to convey love and good wishes.

But not everyone thinks this way.

And the truth is, everyone cannot think this way.

And that is okay.

I realized people are not asking for too much if they like to be celebrated publicly on statuses. None of my friends asked me to post them, but I realized my mindset should not dictate how I celebrate others.

I am trying to find balance between my perspective and other people’s.

I am fine with how I see everyday life, but I don’t want my perspective to negatively affect others.

I will not impose that on people.

That is my resolution.

That “I am busy with my life” mindset also needs balance.

Maybe some of my friends typed my birthday messages while on a bike. Maybe someone quickly stepped out of their office to post me. Maybe someone even subscribed for data just to celebrate me.

I honestly don’t know.

But it could have been the case.

So my “I am busy” excuse must also find balance.

My current lifestyle is slowly becoming isolating.

I have always loved solitude. It helps me do deep and meaningful work. But I sincerely want to find balance.

I want to love people the way they would like to be loved.

To celebrate, honour, and serve people the way they would appreciate it.

I came to this realization with tears in my eyes and mucus in my nose.

This is my becoming, to the ones becoming.

Happy International Day to the all the Women that would read this post.

With love, 

Olayide Juliana

A steward who believes that light shed, knowledge shared, and beliefs reviewed can make both me and the world better.

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