To The Ones Becoming: On Navigating the Emotional Cycle of Change (ECOC)

Some things I thought I had figured out at the start of the year… I quickly realized I hadn’t.

I started the year silently. No loud “this year is about this or that” on my status. I just showed up to greet a few people on my contact list a Happy New Year, a Happy New Year on my status, and that was all.

I did that intentionally, to prove something to myself. I was done with the “new year, new me” mantra because it doesn’t work. I didn’t try to wake up early on this day, nor did I shower or even have breakfast early. If not for my parents, I wouldn’t have even gone out of the house.

It was a new year, true. I felt all the emotions of “this is a new year, true”. But I also knew, deep down, that it didn’t mean anything had changed within me as a person. I still have fears. I still have habits that drain me. I still have passions I wish to start. And, mostly, there is still a version of me I am yet to become.

So, I didn’t try to gas myself up at all. Instead, I sat with reality. On the 1st of January 2026, I had no goals. I didn’t even do an end-of-year review because I thought there was nothing to review.

I started 2025 strong. It was the year I wanted to change my life, the year I wanted to become. My year of becoming, I announced. But I fell along the line. My only saving grace was that I didn’t let go. I kept declaring in everything I did that I am becoming.

This year, I knew I had to do things differently. I want numbers to track, defined actions, and clear goals. I want to do everything intentionally toward that becoming, rather than just words.

So, I first listed out all the areas of my life: spiritual, financial, career, intellectual, and my legacy. These are the areas I have, consciously and subconsciously, given attention to in most of my life.

If I am not going to church, I am going to work. If I am not going to work, I am reading a book, watching videos on public speaking, or writing something on my blog. If I am not doing this, I am thinking of ways to achieve financial freedom that can fuel my passions. And if I am not doing this, I am thinking of how I can leave my world much better than I found it, using my strengths (things I have proficiency in) and weaknesses (things I struggle with but am now finding solutions toward) as anchors.

These are my becomings. These are what are shaping my life the most. These are the things I am most concerned about right now. These are the things that, when I do them, give me fulfillment money cannot buy.

But then I realized: I only know I have to become something, but I don’t really know how. That is why I give vague answers when people ask me, “What do you even want to become?” or “How can you get there?”

I just know that with every deed comes a seed. With every action and intention each day, a person is forging, forming, and becoming.

Over time, I have learned one thing that helps cluelessness is to just start, and be accountable. Accountability will surely spur structure.

So I joined Bible and book-reading accountability groups. Through the book club, I started reading The 12 Week Year. It was our first book for the year. I also started a personal public accountability page for myself. I opened a page on Instagram and Substack to share weekly reviews of whatever I read. Structure.

It has been almost a month of starting this, and not surprisingly, I am still showing up, but I am dealing with something I cannot ignore.

I am dealing with the emotional cycle of change. The urgency, motivation, energy, and intention I started the year with are starting to wane.

Gosh. I know how beautiful my life will turn out when I achieve all my goals, yet my old habits seem to fight intensely everything I have introduced into my life. I think procrastination is more of a mental issue. I know it might sound extreme to say, but it might even need therapy to heal. I don’t look down on it, having struggled with it intensely all my life. Fear is another thing. Doubt is another.

The emotional cycle of change is something anyone trying to change their life will have to go through. It is inevitable.

When I read chapter 12 of The 12 Week Year, I couldn’t picture how it would play out for me because I was still in high spirits. I still read my Bible immediately upon waking. I still read more than two chapters of a book per day. I still showed up here.

If I were an outsider watching me, I would have said, “Juliana has it. Come on, nothing is stopping her. She’s figured it out. Go girl.”

But the truth is, I haven’t. I am strongly navigating this emotional cycle of change.

I don’t feel like showing up anymore. And at the same time, I feel like I am not showing up enough, because I can’t see visible changes in some areas I am working on yet.

"But Juliana these things take time." True, but knowing and living it are two different things.

I have just completed 3 weeks out of my 12-week year. I still have 9 solid weeks to go. I am already experiencing blocks, feeling like I am forcing things, doing too much, and simultaneously, not doing enough.

The purpose of this reflection is to show that change is not easy. Now I know why some drug addicts fall back into habits that almost killed them. This is why some say they are not yet ready to leave their lifestyle. Change meets resistance, sometimes subtle, sometimes loud.

“The Emotional Cycle of Change”- image from the book “The 12 Week Year”, by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington

I have passed the uninformed optimism phase and am now transitioning into the informed pessimism phase. I am not yet in the valley of despair, because I still scored 100% as my execution score this week. I still ticked all my lag indicators as done and crushed the week, but not without wrestling with emotions like procrastination, fear, doubt, and uncertainty.

I look forward to next week and the valley of despair phase, and I think writing about this now will prepare me better for it.

Before I close, I want to be clear: I didn’t just come to complain without a solution in mind. The book provides the solutions, not me. I am following them and will continue to because I must be saved (Lol) and must reach the phase of success and fulfillment.

The book outlines three principles, accountability, commitment, and greatness in the moment, and five disciplines: vision, planning, process control, measurement, and time use. This helped me immensely this week. I can’t dive deep into explaining them here, but I highly recommend getting the book for yourself.

Change is not easy. Resistance is inevitable. Old habits will push back. Fear, doubt, and procrastination will whisper louder than motivation sometimes.

Yet, I will show up next week. YES, I WILL.

I write this to remind myself, and remind you that showing up is not always loud, not always visible, and often not brave in the way the world expects. But it is everything.

This is from my becoming.

To the ones becoming.

With love,

Olayide Juliana

A steward who believes that light shed, knowledge shared, and beliefs reviewed can make both me and the world better.