To The Ones Becoming: On Courage That Doesn’t Feel Brave

A voice came to me as I walked into my CDS venue late.

“Juliana, they would need someone to help them take photos and make videos today. You should volunteer.”

Normally, I would beat that voice down to stupor until it couldn’t raise its head anymore. But this time, I didn’t.

Before I explain what happened next, I need to go back a few hours earlier.

It was a Friday morning, last week. I was on my way to my Community Development Service (CDS) weekly meeting.

I am subscribed to Oladimeji Ajegbile’s Figuring Life Out. To be honest, I subscribed simply because I know how committed he is to helping people, especially young creators, grow and scale. Anything Oladimeji has to say, I will read.

For the first time, I decided to read one of his reflections. It was titled Your 20s Don't Last Forever. I read it as I commuted to my CDS venue. One of my goals this year is to learn how to read in public spaces, maximizing free moments for reading instead of social media. So I gave the newsletter my full attention, trying to understand the message behind every word strung together.

What struck me most was this: our 20’s leave us with habits we don’t remember choosing, beliefs inherited from survival, and patterns that once protected us but now quietly limit us.

That struck me hard.

I am in my early 20’s, and I look forward deeply to who I will be in my 30’s. That is why I am intentional about building and becoming now.

That reflection changed my day. I believe it will continue to change my life, because I broke out of something that same day.

Earlier, we had been informed that a higher body in charge of our CDS was coming to visit. In my mind, I thought, “This is just going to be another boring day of plenty talk.” I even arrived late because I had no expectations.

But reading that reflection on my way to CDS did something extraordinary to me.

I am the kind of person people describe as bold, courageous, and outspoken but selectively so. I show up fully only when I am comfortable with the faces around me, or when I feel the people in the room are not really above my level. That’s when my boldness comes alive.

I have never liked that about myself.

I have always wanted to be the kind of person who dives in without overthinking, who can speak, show up, and do what needs to be done regardless of who is present or where she is, because the truth of the matter is that I can.

After reading that article, I made a quiet decision: I would no longer allow patterns that protect me now to limit me later. I would speak when I felt led to. I would act regardless of where I was, who I was with, what my mind was saying, or how afraid I felt.

So when I arrived late at the venue and noticed that two of the guests were already present, that earlier voice returned.

“They’ll need someone for photos and videos.”

Instead of suppressing it, I stood up.

I walked up to one of them and said, “My name is Juliana, and I’d like to assist throughout today with photos and videos.”

She hesitated.

“We use a special kind of camera for our photos,” she said.

“What kind of camera?” I asked, instead of retreating to my seat.

She explained that it was a GPS camera. I told her I would install the app immediately. I did, and I began taking photos. When she reviewed a few, she said, “This is great. Well done.”

Happy is an understatement for what I felt.

I wasn’t looking for rewards or connections. I just wanted to push myself toward the life I have always wanted to live. I don’t want an ordinary life. I want to be the kind of person who can walk up to the president if there is something meaningful to say or do.

Am I a professional photographer or videographer? Absolutely not. I am simply a clueless-but-I-won’t-settle-for-less kind of person.

Here is the true highlight of this reflection.

The guests were from the Office of the Senior Special Assistant to the President of the Federation on the Sustainable Development Goals (OSSAP-SDGs). Two representatives were already present, and I had been assisting them.

When the third guest arrived, she was from the main office, the lead representative of the team. The first thing she said upon arrival was that she needed a volunteer to assist with media.

I volunteered immediately.

It wasn’t difficult anymore.

The usual version of me would never have done that. I would have told myself I wasn’t capable, that I wasn’t an expert, that I would mess things up.

But I walked up to her anyway, not because of who she was, but because of who I am becoming. Because I want to be someone who acts when something feels important. Someone who does not shrink away from visibility or value.

I handled media throughout the day. No one asked if I was qualified. They simply appreciated my initiative.

I wasn’t expecting anything. I was already fulfilled, fulfilled to have done that for them, and fulfilled for myself.

Before she left, she gave me her number. One that works. We spoke again because she remembered me. I went ahead to merge the clips on my phone into a short video and sent it to her later that evening. It took over five hours of my time.

I felt fulfilled.

If I hadn’t stepped forward that day, I know what would have happened. I would have shrunk inward. I would have admired whoever did it while telling myself they were more capable. I would have stayed safe in invisibility, letting a familiar pattern protect me, until the day it no longer could.

Will this pattern try to return in the future? Probably.

But I will not let it win.

Because I now know what it feels like to step out of comfort. I know what it means to interrupt a pattern that once protected me. And I know my future self will be grateful.

Thank you to Oladimeji Ajegbile for being a light.

I agree with him that our 20’s are for urgency, for proving, and for having a constant sense that time was running out. That they are for training: training to move fast, to say yes, to figure things out publicly while pretending not to be afraid. They are for building postures that don’t disappear overnight.

This is my reality of you have to show up...scared, unsure, and sometimes clueless.

This is my becoming.

To the ones becoming.

With love,

Olayide Juliana

A steward who believes that light shed, knowledge shared, and beliefs reviewed can make both me and the world better.