What the African Home Taught Me About Sisterhood — and How I’m Defying It

I’ll just cut to the chase:

1. Learning to Build Friendship, Not Hierarchy

Things that seem justifiable are often the hardest to unlearn. For me, it starts with how I relate to my younger sister — the things I’m intentionally trying not to do.

I’m trying to stop her from being overly respectful with me because why? Because I don’t really trust it — or myself. What if I get too comfortable and then I abuse that over-respect? Maybe not now, but sometime in the future when she no longer needs me for most things like she does now.

Right now, she takes most things I say because, quote-unquote, she’s younger, needs my help, yada yada yada. And because it’s always been this way, it’s easy to think it will continue like that forever. But one day, I might be left with my mouth agape in shock when it no longer does.

Because the truth is, she might just be bearing with me right now because she doesn’t have more options. She’s in her dependent era of life, and everyone might be trying to shape her through that reason — and she might not like it all.

That’s why I’m learning to build friendship and real sisterhood. I ask her to give me gist, to tell me what’s happening in her life. I want her to be comfortable sharing everything and anything with me — the stupid and wise ones, the good and bad, the errors and mistakes, not just the good news.

I want to be the first recipient of gist. I know firsthand that it takes a high level of comfort to share freely. No one likes to be judged or shut up.


2. Choosing Understanding Over Expectation

I’m learning to be more understanding — and to seek her understanding too.

There are so many times she calls and I’m not stable enough to respond or even help. Maybe because I don’t buy into the idea that the older one has to be strong always. Please, this is my first life and I’m not made of steel.

But even in those moments, I still try to explain myself. I don’t assume she’ll just understand because she’s the younger one.

And I don’t judge how she calls for help by how often she calls in a week. Pleaseee, I don’t call people myself — and it’s not because I don’t care. I just don’t always know how to, and I assume that since I didn’t offend anyone, we’re good. (Although I won’t try this with strangers, and yes, I call family — just not plenty times in a week.)

So when I see her call, the first thing I want to say isn’t, “You didn’t call me all these days, but you remembered to call when you needed help.” Who should she call first if not family?

Something dies in the heart of someone who hears that as the first word after “hello.” For me, it used to motivate self-sufficiency — that unhealthy kind of independence that says, “I’ll just do it all by myself next time.”


3. Seeing Her as a Whole Person

I’m being intentional about never forgetting that while she’s my younger sister, she’s also a sane, rapidly growing adult — one who can think, dream, and become whoever she wants beyond my imagination.

Our age difference doesn’t guarantee anything. No one knows tomorrow. The least I can do is not abuse the privilege of being older, but instead nurture real sisterhood and friendship — something that can form, grow, and thrive between us.


The truth is, I don’t have an existing template for this. But I know for certain that healthy should be the only goal between my sister and me.

I don’t want to be calling outsiders “sisters” when I don’t even have an existing relationship with my biological sister. Those outsiders must have shown one or two qualities that made me see and accept them as sisters.

And really, I have friends who are the same age as my younger sister — wise, smart people. So why limit my sister to being just “the little one I was privileged to be older than”?

I pray God helps me not to unconsciously live in opposition to my dreams. I pray the Lord helps me to succeed in the end, to not only be a good sister, but to build something healthy, lasting, and real.


From my Becomings To The Ones Becoming 


I hope you had a good read.


With love,

Olayide Juliana 


My name is Olayide Juliana, a steward. I believe light shed, knowledge shared, and beliefs reviewed can make both me and the world better.

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