The Days I Chose to Show Up — Day One: A Truth I Can’t Ignore

The Days I Chose to Show Up

A writing series by Olayide Juliana

This isn’t a perfect series.

It isn’t planned, plotted, or polished to impress.

It’s honest.

It’s messy.

It’s me—showing up one day at a time.

I started this five-day writing challenge not to prove anything, but to return to myself.

To write not because I had the words, but because I needed to find them.

Each day, I came with what I had—sometimes clarity, sometimes questions.

But I showed up. And that, I’ve learned, is the first victory.

These are the pages from that quiet unfolding.

The raw, reflective, sometimes tear-stained moments I decided not to run from.

I call them: The Days I Chose to Show Up.


Day One: A Truth I Can’t Ignore

I didn’t know exactly what to write today—but I promised Chatgpt I'd show up with something (it’s kind of like my creative writing accountability partner, lol).

So here I am, fingers to keyboard, unsure of the shape this will take.

I don’t want to talk about the future, the uncertainty, the endless what-ifs.

Not today.

If there’s one truth I can admit, it’s this:

Lately, I’ve been ignoring myself.

Not in loud, dramatic ways—but in small, quiet avoidances.

I sleep too much. Wake up too late. Watch too many movies.

I listen to music to drown the silence. I overeat. I do work—but it’s often half-hearted.

All of it... just to outrun this emptiness I feel inside.

I think I’m in the wrong place.

I crave a space that stretches me every single day.

A place that recognizes my value—not just with words, but in ways that make me feel essential.

I know no one is truly irreplaceable. But somewhere deep inside, I want to be missed if I’m not there.

I want my impact to leave a dent.

I've come to understand something important about myself:

I love work. Not because I’m obsessed with productivity, but because it’s the one place I feel relevant.

That relevance has always felt like survival.

Growing up, I wasn’t appreciated for who I was—only for what I could do.

My smartness. My wit. My intelligence.

So I sharpened those things. Wielded them like tools to earn love, attention, a seat at the table.

I thought if I just kept being brilliant, I’d always belong.

And for a while, it worked.

But I’m older now. And I’m starting to question that way of being.

I don’t want to keep showing up just to prove my worth.

I want to get it right.

I want to work hard because I love building something meaningful.

I want to be excellent—not because I need applause, but because I’m living in alignment with who I was created to be.

I want a true life.

One that isn’t full of noise to numb the ache.

One where I don’t feel like a fraud, where I’m not chasing relevance to feel seen.

I want a life anchored in truth.

A life where I am faithful to what God placed inside me—

Not just for the race, but for the reason.

With love,

Juliana.


My name is Olayide Juliana, a steward.

I believe that light shed, knowledge shared, and beliefs reviewed can make both me and the world better.

P.S. I’ll be back soon with Day Two.

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